Look,up in the sky! Its a desk, its a bar, its..its...nevermind, its a desk....

So my wonderfully patient Bride often agrees to humor me and my attempts at woodworking. Thus far, my resume only included building a bookshelf for our living room, which she graciously rearranged the living room to accommodate. The bookshelf worked out ok, although the finished product ended up much larger than I had first envisioned. Apparently I dream big and produce even bigger, which can be a good thing at work, but not so great when you are trying to fit the results into a 12x14 room.

Anyway, my most recent project was a desk for work, which was a somewhat daunting task since I am not exactly a carpenter by any stretch of the imagination. I spent several days drawing, erasing and re-drawing the plans for the desk until what I saw in my head was somewhat represented on paper.

 

 

Once the drawing was complete, I made a trip to the Lowe’s store in Conroe where I bought all of the lumber and stain, then a short jog out to RND Rustics in Magnolia, TX, where I bought the cast iron stars for trim.  The lumber list consisted of whitewood dimensional lumber: (3) 1x10x6, (16) 1x4x10, and (3) 2x6x10 treated lumber for strength. Every cut was measured three times before the trusty Ryobi circular saw was even triggered, then measured again after the cut was made.

The desk top was fashioned from the 1x10 boards glued edge to edge, with ½” dowels every 6” for added strength, then clamped in a pair of pipe clamps overnight to dry (Thank you Aunt Judy and Uncle Jim, for selling those wonderful devices. I KNEW they would come in handy).

As the top cured, I began building the legs of the desk by gluing and screwing four 1x4’s together in a square tube 36” tall. My bride asked me “Isn’t that going to make the desk kinda tall”, to which I replied that it was. Since I’m 6’02” I figured the desk should be taller than average to accommodate my height, not to mention the fact a taller desk seems quite regal, like a judge on the bench…

 

Once the legs dried and were ready to be assembled I toenailed the 2x6 boards to the inside of the legs and checked everything for square for the first time. (I know, seems kinda late at that point, but it was actually dead on, so maybe not)

While waiting on the leg structure to cure I began sanding the desk top, starting with an 80 grit to remove all of the rough edges, then used a 120 grit, 160 grit, and finished with a 220 grit for a smooth finish that still left some of the rustic look (read defects in the wood…) without having to worry about splinters. I also cut twenty 30” pieces of 1x4 to use as trim and sanded it the same way as I did the top. By the time all of the sanding was finished the top and legs were ready to assemble, which I did by screwing a 1 ½ inch triangle cut piece of wood to the legs, then to the desk top. (Proof that I’m not a carpenter…I know there’s a name for those “triangles” but I can’t remember it; An example of knowledge in practice but not in theory!)

With the top installed, I used a countersink drill bit and wood screws to attach the trim pieces and a curtain to three sides of the desk, which made it actually look like a piece of furniture rather than a work bench and a collection of wood.

I was finally ready to stain the desk. I used an oil based Cordovo stain in English oak to give me a color somewhat darker than the natural whitewood as well as to bring out the natural beauty of the pine knots. Rather than follow the directions, which was to brush the stain on and then almost immediately wipe it off, my Darlin and I brushed the stain on and made sure all of the stray brush marks and bubbles were out, and then let it dry. I made this decision after experimenting with several methods of applying the stain, sanding, and re-staining on a scrap piece. Needless to say, the color came out exactly as I had hoped.

 

 

 

The final touch was to add the cast iron stars from RND Rustics. The smaller stars are attached by a nail made to the rear of the star, and the larger center star is attached by wood screws on either side. This was a fun project that turned out almost exactly like the plans I had drawn out.

 

Considering I am neither an artist (I couldn’t draw flies if I were covered in poo) nor a carpenter, I am pretty happy with the results. I attribute the success of this project to my beautiful wife, whose suggestion to take my time and “do it right” was instrumental in the outcome, as well as her willingness to wrangle our urchins while I stayed in the garage working on it. As a side note, it’s amazing how little you can hear in the garage when a circle saw is slicing through a 2x8. It’s even more amazing what you can hear when it stops, such as “Stop putting your chicken on that scab”, and “Monkey! Stop drinking the dogs’ water”. With such jewels as that being common fare at our house, I think it may be time for another project. Maybe new furniture for the whole house?  Just kidding Sweetheart. I couldn’t do that to you……

As a side note, the guys at work all asked me the same question my loving wife did.... Isn't it too tall, or is that a bar? Maybe I am spending a bit too much time at work...they're starting to sound familiar.

 

 

Until next time,

 

 

 

Kids…can’t live with ‘em, can’t trade ‘em for a milk cow...

My beautiful Bride and I was sitting on the couch a couple of nights ago having one of our wonderful talks that I sincerely enjoy (and no, there is no sarcasm there. I really do like talking to her) when we started reminiscing about our first cell phones. We described them to our 14 year old daughter, whose touch screen phone is (in my belief) permanently attached to her thumbs, and explained to her that with those phones, all you could do was make phone calls. There was no text messaging, no picture messaging, and definitely no internet. We changed the subject at that point because the look of horror on my daughter’s face would have led you to believe she had just witnessed the first wave of zombies feasting on the heads of small animals at the Apocalypse. After she calmed down, we described how out first computers didn’t have any access to the internet at all, had monochromatic screens, and played high tech games such as Alien Invasion, or other two dimensional games that required a great imagination to see what the developer intended you to see.  It was quite obvious that she didn’t quite grasp the concepts of the Radio Shack TRS-80 (which we affectionately call the “Trash-80) or the Commodore 64C, which was actually in color! By the time the child went to bed, she was visibly shaken at the thought of having to live in a world where one had to actually talk to someone on the phone and had to know just a touch of BASIC language to manipulate the computer.

Kids of today are a strange breed. I was brought up that self-sufficiency, honor, and respect were all things to be proud of, not ridiculed. Most kids I grew up around would never have back-talked their folks out of fear that the myth might actually be true; a mother’s hand is indeed faster than the spoken word and is apparently directly connected to the eyes in the back of her head. My Mom could be driving the car and could slap a kid directly on the thigh with enough force to dent ¼ steel and never turn her head. And as far as Dads go, mine had an uncanny knack of being right behind a mischievous little boy who thought no one was looking. I will never understand how my Dad knew I was lying when I told him nothing was burning in the basement (The smoke really wasn’t THAT thick...). On second thought, I will never understand how I thought the cloud of smoke billowing out of the basement door (caused by burning motor oil and old clothing) could go undetected, but I digress.

I guess as kids we don’t realize that our parents have “been there, done that” so many times nothing we could do will surprise them.  There’s a reason Riri tells the Monkey not to play on the front porch steps. He learned that reason and simultaneously conducted his first experiment with gravity after he attempted to remove part of the cement with his forehead. Lesson learned? Probably not, since after his crash landing the boy received lots of attention, kisses from Riri, and a new toy from Kiki. If anything, he has discovered yet another way to manipulate those of us he considers his minions. This is the same kid who knows a cute smile and a “pweeeeeze” gets him anything he wants